"I don't want any of your F#@&ing kindness, KELSHA!" These words were screamed at me not very long ago. I have a tendency when dissolving a relationship to want to decouple consciously and with as much love, well wishes, and yes, kindness as I can figure out how. It's not a matter of being a martyr (Maybe it is? I'll have to look at that more...) it's not a matter of wanting to shove what they are missing in their face (Wait, maybe there's some of that too!?), but more than anything, it's because I have spent at least the last decade of my life asking myself, with intentional effort, "How do I want to show up in the world?"
How do I want to show up in the world. SUCH A GREAT QUESTION GUYS! It regularly asks you to step out of victim consciousness. This question has us reflecting on how we think, feel and act soley because we choose and want to be that way, right now. It has nothing to do with the stories of what others are doing.
"I don't want any of your F#@&ing kindness, KELSHA!"
Well, sheesh. It had me shrink for a bit. And then I started reflecting on all the people I know, that even if they aren't bold enough to yell that at me, they still effectively are telling me the same thing. Their heart and mind connection has them feeling like they don't deserve kindness, and boy howdy, some of them are great deflectors of any kindness you send their way.
It comes in big and small ways. Maybe you know someone that never will let you help them. (They certainly wont be the ones asking for help). Maybe it's someone that you compliment, and they don't let it sit on their chest, they argue with you about it.
These people that don't accept kindness. Oh my. They spend so much time blocking it that eventually everyone around them knows that they are not receptive to positive interactions, so they let them be. And wala, their own personal hell manifested. After all, they knew the whole time no one was going to be kind to them, and turns out, they are right.
My mentor Martha Beck and I have many things in common. Aside from personality type, career choice, being raised in the LDS church, being sexually assaulted, we both also have children with Down Syndrome. One reason why giving to our children is so pleasurable, is because they are enthused beyond measure with the smallest of gestures. When they light up and say a huge "THANK YOU!!!" for the smallest effort, it makes you want to give them more. Their delight in people's kindness to them, wala, brings more kindness to them.
Where are you blocking other's efforts towards you? Who's kindness do you tell to go away? Your pain speaks and blocks pleasure. It's time, if you've not started, to get in to some radical gratitude practices. I assure you, there are things to be grateful for, and kindness being sent your way, that you are refusing to acknowledge.
Love you all.